Don’t Waste Your Pains

Everyone living here on earth, at one time or the other, must have had one or more experiences with pain — the pain of losing a loved one, the pain of losing a job, the pain of missing out in an opportunity well prepared for, the pain of not meeting one’s expectation, the pain of a deteriorating health, the pain of failure…I can simply go on. And as long as we still exist in this mortal body, we will keep experiencing pain.

But you know what is more painful that experiencing any kind of pain? It is wasting your pains. Yes. Wasting your pains is one reason why we may remain in pains for a long time. And I think many people actually waste their pains.

I believe that every pain we experience has a purpose — either to make us weep and feel hopeless or make us stronger. But the purpose is totally dependent on us. Most people allow their pain to achieve the former purpose — make them weep and feel hopeless. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to say that your pain or loss is not worth it or the health situation does not require consolation. I am simply saying that if all you can do in your time of pain is to weep and feel hopeless, you are wasting your pain. You are allowing it to shape you and have the most of you. You are allowing it to define you.

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While, it is okay to express all the feelings associated with any kind of pain we may be passing through, it is most important that we allow the pain to shape you in a better way.

I believe that we pass through pain so that we can come through better and stronger. I believe that certain pains are more or less, a kind of preparation for a tougher battle ahead of us. I believe that pains can make us become more in tune with our inner strength and weakness so we can balance our approach to people and life.

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I remember a painful experience I once had after an interview for a scholarship position with a huge research consortium funded by the European Union. As far as I was concerned, I got the job. But then, few days to resuming in the position, I hadn’t gotten any feedback from them. So, I made a contact only to be told, “sorry, we decided to drop you and go for someone else.” I felt like fainting. It was so painful that I didn’t know what to do at that moment.

But it was still in that moment that I decided not to give up. I felt that I needed to do more. I knew that the person selected must have had a slight advantage. I was willing to know what that advantage was and how I could create it for myself. I went on to do what I thought best — work harder, seek mentoring and prayed after those.

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So, I ask again, are you wasting your pain or maximising it? To maximise your pain, all you need to do is to simply change your perspective about it. Sometimes, when we are in a painful situation, we try to think of it from the perspective of who or what made it so for us. We try to blame the other person for the failed relationship. We try to blame our boss or colleague at the office for losing a job. We try to blame the other person for the contracted STD through a mutually consented act. If this is like you, you are wasting your pain.

But, how about saying to yourself, “I am coming out stronger and better from this pain.”, “This pain will not reduce me to a mere ‘weeping baby’ but it will grow me into maturity”, “I will go and work better on myself so I don’t have to pass through this a second time,”…… you can go ahead and talk to yourself. That is how to not waste your pain.

Apeh Omede

Photo by Akshar Dave on Unsplash

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